What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
only you would photoshop your dick
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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