I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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