Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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