If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
