Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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