Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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