just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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