sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
