apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
