So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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