we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
