Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
