he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
