She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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