So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
