i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
