Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time