Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.