Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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