Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
