I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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