My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
