this boner is exhausting
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
