A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
