god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
