didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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