I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
