so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
