update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
