peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
