I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
