Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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