i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
