Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
