I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
as a side note pls kill me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
