my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
