You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
