it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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