I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So vagazzling was a success
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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