its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
