I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
