Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
