My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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