never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
