do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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