Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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