Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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