Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
where are my eyebrows?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
