i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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