u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
