My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
