I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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