I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
