remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize