he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
