he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
