we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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