I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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