margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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