The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
