Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
