"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
