someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
