So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
