HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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